does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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