woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
