There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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