I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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