just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
