You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
