You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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