That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
