Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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