My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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