Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
