Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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