I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
wakey wakey hands off snakey
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
