I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
