I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
