You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
