So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I cut my penus on the lid.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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