omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
