cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
