i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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