I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize