dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The feeling are messing with the penis
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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