New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
