Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
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