just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
