sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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