did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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