I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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