is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
