u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
