dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
