dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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