HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
