Need sex. Gaining weight.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize