worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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