I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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