Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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