I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
