Plan B is the new Plan A
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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