I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i out mim tonsoeep
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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