So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
