I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
