glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize