Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
