are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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