can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
