If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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