You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
