TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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