I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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