yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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