So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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