Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
