Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
