he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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