I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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