I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize