I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
