Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You are the jesus of drinking
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
