I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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