I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
