Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
