We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Someone stole a lamp last night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
