She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
