dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
