I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
