Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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