how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
