After last night, I could never be a politician.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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